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diff --git a/fortune.md b/fortune.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b5725fd --- /dev/null +++ b/fortune.md @@ -0,0 +1,1682 @@ +[[!meta title="Minutos de Sabedoria Punk"]] + +[[!toc levels=4]] + +A irreversibilidade da vida e outros fatos termodinâmicos: uma coleção de +citações, trechos, versos, adágios, chistes, ironias e pessimismos. Muitas +coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. + +## Entropia + + Entropia: amnésia termodinâmica. + +## Temperatura do inferno + + The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed from available + data. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon + shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be + sevenfold, as the light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much + radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition seven times seven (49) + times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or fifty times in all. The light + we receive from the Moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from + the Sun, so we can ignore that. With these data we can compute the + temperature of Heaven. The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point + where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by + radiation, i.e., Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. + Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the + absolute temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact + temperature of Hell cannot be computed, but it must be less than 444.6C, + the temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from a liquid to a gas. + Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have + their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten + brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling + point, or 444.6C (Above this point it would be a vapor, not a lake.) We have, + then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C. + -- "Applied Optics", vol. 11, A14, 1972 + +## Cavalos + + Lemma: All horses are the same color. + Proof (by induction): + Case n = 1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all + horses in that set are the same color. + Case n = k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these + horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all + of these horses are the same color. Now put back the horse that you + took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k + horses now in the set are the same color. Then the set of k+1 horses + are all the same color. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all + horses are the same color. + + Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs. + Proof (by intimidation): + Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. + It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs + in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs + for a horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and odd is + infinity; therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs. + However, suppose that there is a horse somewhere that does not + have an infinite number of legs. Well, that would be a horse of a + different color; and by the Lemma, it doesn't exist. + +## Frob + + + ___ ______ + /__/\ ___/_____/\ FrobTech, Inc. + \ \ \ / /\\ + \ \ \_/__ / \ "If you've got the job, + _\ \ \ /\_____/___ \ we've got the frob." + // \__\/ / \ /\ \ + _______//_______/ \ / _\/______ + / / \ \ / / / /\ + __/ / \ \ / / / / _\__ + / / / \_______\/ / / / / /\ + /_/______/___________________/ /________/ /___/ \ + \ \ \ ___________ \ \ \ \ \ / + \_\ \ / /\ \ \ \ \___\/ + \ \/ / \ \ \ \ / + \_____/ / \ \ \________\/ + /__________/ \ \ / + \ _____ \ /_____\/ + \ / /\ \ / \ \ \ + /____/ \ \ / \ \ \ + \ \ /___\/ \ \ \ + \____\/ \__\/ + +## Intuição + + The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all + learned. + -- Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, on X interfaces + +## Kermit + + "We invented a new protocol and called it Kermit, after Kermit the Frog, + star of "The Muppet Show." [3] + + [3] Why? Mostly because there was a Muppets calendar on the wall when we + were trying to think of a name, and Kermit is a pleasant, unassuming sort + of character. But since we weren't sure whether it was OK to name our + protocol after this popular television and movie star, we pretended that + KERMIT was an acronym; unfortunately, we could never find a good set of + words to go with the letters, as readers of some of our early source code + can attest. Later, while looking through a name book for his forthcoming + baby, Bill Catchings noticed that "Kermit" was a Celtic word for "free", + which is what all Kermit programs should be, and words to this effect + replaced the strained acronyms in our source code (Bill's baby turned out + to be a girl, so he had to name her Becky instead). When BYTE Magazine + was preparing our 1984 Kermit article for publication, they suggested we + contact Henson Associates Inc. for permission to say that we did indeed + name the protocol after Kermit the Frog. Permission was kindly granted, + and now the real story can be told. I resisted the temptation, however, + to call the present work "Kermit the Book." + -- Frank da Cruz, "Kermit - A File Transfer Protocol" + +## DECWARS + + After sifting through the overwritten remaining blocks of Luke's home + directory, Luke and PDP-1 sped away from /u/lars, across the surface of the + Winchester riding Luke's flying read/write head. PDP-1 had Luke stop at the + edge of the cylinder overlooking /usr/spool/uucp. + "Unix-to-Unix Copy Program;" said PDP-1. "You will never find a more + wretched hive of bugs and flamers. We must be cautious." + -- DECWARS + +## Certo e errado + + Só que o erro maior é justamente ficar procurando os erros... + Ou, citando Casa das Máquinas: + "Certo sim, seu errado, certo sim, seu errado...." + +## Latido + + A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen + floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for + its species, managed to trap them in a corner. The children cowered, + terrified by this fearsome beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother! + Save us! Save us! We're scared, Mother!" + Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting its + children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat, towering huge above them, + and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that would have done any Doberman + proud. The startled cat fled in fear for its life. + As her grateful offspring flocked around her shouting "Oh, Mother, + you saved us!" and "Yay! You scared the cat away!" she turned to them + purposefully and declared, "You see how useful it is to know a second + language?" + +## Frozen Star + + I went on to test the program in every way I could devise. I strained it to + expose its weaknesses. I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for + stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold. I ran it assuming + the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be absent -- not because I wanted + to know the answer, but because I had developed an intuitive feel for the + answer in this particular case. Finally I got a run in which the computer + showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero. I had found + an error. I chased down the error and fixed it. Now I had improved the + program to the point where it would not run at all. + -- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: + Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars" + +## Life + + All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. + -- Dawkins +## Man + + MAN: + An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he + is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief + occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, + which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest + the whole habitable earth and Canada. + -- A. Bierce + +## Murphy recursion + + Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. + +## Murphy as a proletarian + + "Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ..." + -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow" + +## Civilization + + It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be + coming up it. + -- Henry Allen + +## Theories + + We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which + divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being + correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough. + -- Niels Bohr + +## Ginsberg's Theorem + + Ginsberg's Theorem: + 1. You can't win. + 2. You can't break even. + 3. You can't even quit the game. + + Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem: + + Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem + meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's + Theorem. To wit: + + 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. + 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. + 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game. + +## Regression analysis + + Regression analysis: + Mathematical techniques for trying to understand why things are + getting worse + +## Computer viruses + + I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of + life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. Stephen Hawking + +## Inventions + + To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. + -- Thomas Edison + +## Freud doesn't know + + The great question that has never been answered and which I have not + yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the + feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT? + -- Sigmund Freud + +## Technology + + Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong + reasons. -- R. Buckminster Fuller + +## Experimentation + + Velilind's Laws of Experimentation: + 1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. + 2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points. + +## Thermodynamics + + The three laws of thermodynamics: + (1) You can't get anything without working for it. + (2) The most you can accomplish by working is to break even. + (3) You can only break even at absolute zero. + +## Bureaucracy + + The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding + bureaucracy. + +## Violence + + "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -- Asimov, Foundation + +## Freedom + + If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; + and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it + will lose that, too. + -- W. Somerset Maugham + +## Savings + + Our congratulations go to a Burlington Vermont civilian employee of the + local Army National Guard base. He recently received a substational cash + award from our government for inventing a device for optical scanning. + His device reportedly will save the government more than $6 million a year + by replacing a more expensive helicopter maintenance tool with his own, + home-made, hand-held model. + + Not suprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit + to the Pentagon free of charge: + + a. Don't kill anybody. + b. Don't build things that do. + c. And don't pay other people to kill anybody. + + We expect annual savings to be in the billions. + -- Sojourners + +## Loop + + Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. + Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. + -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary + +## Good luck + + An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel prize + winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen. He was amazed to find that + over Bohr's desk was a horseshoe, securely nailed to the wall, with the + open end up in the approved manner (so it would catch the good luck and not + let it spill out). The American said with a nervous laugh, + "Surely you don't believe the horseshoe will bring you good luck, + do you, Professor Bohr? After all, as a scientist --" + Bohr chuckled. + "I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am + scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told + that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not." + +## Occam + + OCCAM'S ERASER: + The philosophical principle that even the simplest + solution is bound to have something wrong with it. + +## Obvious + + Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less + obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no + solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. + There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no + straight lines. + -- R. Buckminster Fuller + +## Brooke's Law + + Brooke's Law: + Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool + discovers something which either abolishes the system or + expands it beyond recognition. + +## Illegal and unconstitutional + + "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit + longer." + -- Henry Kissinger + +## Banks + + What is robbing a bank compared with founding a bank? + -- Bertolt Brecht, "The Threepenny Opera" + +## Lucky number + + Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere. + +## Magic + + Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef. + -- Tom Robbins + +## Western Civilization + + Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): + Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? + Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea. + +## Candy + + Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never + tried taking candy from a baby. + -- Robin Hood + +## Club + + I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member. + -- Groucho Marx + +## Science + + All science is either physics or stamp collecting. + -- Ernest Rutherford + +## Government + + If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined + them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government! + -- Mr. Interesting + +## Important things + + The most important things, each person must do for himself. + +## Silverman's Law + + Silverman's Law: + If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. + +## Prophet Dirac + + Dirac was a committed (Someone who denies the existence of god) atheist. After being asked about his thoughts on Dirac's views, (United States physicist (born in Austria) who proposed the exclusion principle (thus providing a theoretical basis for the periodic table) (1900-1958)) Pauli remarked "If I understand Dirac correctly, his meaning is this: there is no God, and Dirac is his Prophet". + +## Inimigos + + De um carro estacionado na Santa Efigenia: "Amigos vem e vão; inimigos se acumulam." + +## Computers + + Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. + -- Pablo Picasso + +## Law + + After 35 years, I have finished a comprehensive study of European + comparative law. In Germany, under the law, everything is prohibited, + except that which is permitted. In France, under the law, everything + is permitted, except that which is prohibited. In the Soviet Union, + under the law, everything is prohibited, including that which is + permitted. And in Italy, under the law, everything is permitted, + especially that which is prohibited. + -- Newton Minow, + Speech to the Association of American Law Schools, 1985 + +## Pragmatism + + Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little + more time for dreaming. + -- J. P. McEvoy + +## University + + QOTD: + "A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem." + +## Software and hardware + + Thus spake the master programmer: + "Without the wind, the grass does not move. Without software, + hardware is useless." + -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming" + +## Clouds + + A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such + a speed, if feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the + sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will + know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. + -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul + +## Magic II + + There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring + the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many + facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next + fact; that's science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent + Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's + Factor; that's engineering. + +## Universe + + "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the + universe." + -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos + +## Infernal Dynamics + + Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: + 1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. + 2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. + 3) The energy required to change either one of these states + will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so + much as to make the task totally impossible. + +## America + + America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism + to decadence without touching civilization. + -- John O'Hara + +## Williams and Holland's Law: + + Williams and Holland's Law: + If enough data is collected, + anything may be proven by statistical methods. + +## Main's Law: + + Main's Law: + For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. + +## Grep + + grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines. + +## Forgiveness + + It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for + being right. + +## America II + + It was wonderful to find America, but it + would have been more wonderful to miss it. + -- Mark Twain + +## True and false + + If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, + then this sentence would not be false. + +## Promotions + + Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't + be replaced, you cannot be promoted. + +## Fast world + + The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says + it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it. + -- E. Hubbard + +## Poorman's Rule + + Poorman's Rule: + When you pull a plastic garbage bag from its handy dispenser + package, you always get hold of the closed end and try to + pull it open. + +## Worst month + + Worst Month of the Year: + February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if + you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you + don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible. + -- Steve Rubenstein + +## Predictions + + Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. + -- Niels Bohr + +## Jones' First Law: + + Jones' First Law: + Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of + endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an + obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the + importance of their original contribution. + +## Tolkein Ring + + Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very + sophisticated computer network! It was a Tolkein Ring... + +## Small Evil Group + + Everything is controlled by a small evil group + to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. + +## Children + + Children are natural mimics who act like their parents + despite every effort to teach them good manners. + +## Income Tax + + The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. + -- Albert Einstein + +## Failure and success + + Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also + easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to + improve. + +## Capitalism + + Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for + the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all. + -- John Maynard Keynes + +## Probabilities + + Colvard's Logical Premises: + All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it + won't. + + Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary: + This is especially true when dealing with someone you're + attracted to. + + Grelb's Commentary + Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. + +## Alliance + + Alliance, n: + In international politics, the union of two thieves who + have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket + that they cannot safely plunder a third. + -- Ambrose Bierce + +## Cohn's Law + + Cohn's Law: + The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less + time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend + all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing. + +## Science + + You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than + about 10^12 to 1. + -- Ernest Rutherford + +## Sex after death + + There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it. + -- Lily Tomlin + +## Distance + + The shortest distance between two points is under construction. + -- Noelie Altito + +## Our world + + Ours is a world where people don't know what they + want and are willing to go through hell to get it. + +## Experience + + Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. + +## Youth + + Youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. + -- George Bernard Shaw + +## Bible + + The most serious doubt that has been thrown on the authenticity of the + biblical miracles is the fact that most of the witnesses in regard to + them were fishermen. + -- Arthur Binstead + +## Governos + + Quando ocorrem variações no câmbio, queda nas bolsas de valores, variações + nas taxas de juros ou pequenos distúrbios na economia, rapidamente os governos + atua e tomam providências urgentes lançando as mais variadas medidas para + "colocar as coisas no rumo certo". Mas quando ocorrem mortes de jovens, pobres, + moradores da periferia, sendo eles agentes do Estado ou simples civis, isso não + acontece. Apesar disso, não desistiremos de clamar por justiça! + -- Ariel de Castro Alves, em Crimes de Maio, pag. 116. + +## Politicians + + Politicians are the same everywhere. They promise + to build a bridge even where there is no river. + -- Nikita Khrushchev + +## Failure and success II + + Every successful person has had failures + but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success. + +## Civilization II + + It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the + Devil when he is the only explanation of it. + +## Programs + + When users see one GUI as beautiful, + other user interfaces become ugly. + When users see some programs as winners, + other programs become lossage. + + Pointers and NULLs reference each other. + High level and assembler depend on each other. + Double and float cast to each other. + High-endian and low-endian define each other. + While and until follow each other. + + Therefore the Guru + programs without doing anything + and teaches without saying anything. + Warnings arise and he lets them come; + processes are swapped and he lets them go. + He has but doesn't possess, + acts but doesn't expect. + When his work is done, he deletes it. + That is why it lasts forever. + +## Life II + + Life is too short to be taken seriously. + -- O. Wilde + +## Life III + + Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward. + -- Miss November, 1966 + +## Reichel's Law + + Reichel's Law: + A body on vacation tends to remain on vacation unless acted upon by + an outside force. + +## Drugs + + I do not take drugs -- I am drugs. + -- Salvador Dali + +## Bootstrap + + An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms. + +## Technological progress + + Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means + for going backwards. + -- Aldous Huxley + +## Katz' Law + + Katz' Law: + Men and nations will act rationally when + all other possibilities have been exhausted. + + History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have + exhausted all other alternatives. + -- Abba Eban + +## Modern technology + + The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a + soda can, which, when discarded will last forever -- and a $7,000 car + which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years. + +## Gold of time + + A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. + +## Gospels and intelligence + + So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in + praise of intelligence. + -- Bertrand Russell + +## Plans + + If you fail to plan, plan to fail. + +## Bureaucracy + + Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called + "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do + anything loses. + +## Weinberg's Second Law: + + Weinberg's Second Law: + If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, + then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. + +## Respect + + Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. + +## Fear + + Fear is the greatest salesman. + -- Robert Klein + +## Progress + + The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one + persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress + depends on the unreasonable man. + -- George Bernard Shaw + +## Hating tech + + I use technology in order to hate it more properly. + -- Nam June Paik + +## Barach's Rule + + Barach's Rule: + An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician. + +## Heller's Law + + Heller's Law: + The first myth of management is that it exists. + + Johnson's Corollary: + Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization. + +## Marxists and the lightbulb + + Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? + A: None: The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. + +## Descartes' disappearance + + "I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished + +## Love + + Who does not love wine, women, and song, + Remains a fool his whole life long. + -- Johann Heinrich Voss + +## Unnamed Law + + Unnamed Law: + If it happens, it must be possible + +## Past and future + + People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of + the future. + +## Machine language + + A person who is more than casually interested in computers should be well + schooled in machine language, since it is a fundamental part of a computer. + -- Donald Knuth + +## Ignorance + + My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose + your ignorance; you cannot replace it." + -- Erich Maria Remarque + +## Larkinson's Law + + Larkinson's Law: + All laws are basically false. + +## Volunteer Labor + + Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: + People are always available for work in the past tense. + +## Psycho + + Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your + door. + +## Surrealists and the lightbulb + + Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? + A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub + with brightly colored machine tools. + +## Death + + When you die, you lose a very important part of your life. + -- Brooke Shields + +## Programs II + + Every program has (at least) two purposes: + the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't. + +## Laugh + + Laugh at your problems: everybody else does. + +## Police + + Support your local police force -- steal!! + +## Err + + "To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System" + +## Dolphins + + If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television? + +## Red tape + + If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world. + -- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting" + +## Economic predictions + + Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you + lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict, + but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and + Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions. + +## Dragons + + Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic + formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the + scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact + wholly unconcerned with what DOES exist. Indeed, the banality of + existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us + to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking + the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: + the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were + all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely + different way... + +## Conservative + + Conservative, n: + A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished + from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. + -- Ambrose Bierce + +## Intellectual + + An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. + -- Albert Camus + +## Patience + + A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own + weight in other people's patience. + -- John Updike + +## Psychologist + + psychologist, n: + Someone who watches everyone else when an attractive woman walks + into a room. + +## Finagle's Third Law + + Finagle's Third Law: + In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, + beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. + + Corollaries: + 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. + 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really + don't want to hear, will see it immediately. + +## Manly's Maxim + + Manly's Maxim: + Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion + with confidence. + +## Borrowing money + + Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid + back. + +## Sleep + + Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink. + -- W.C. Fields + +## Problem solving + + There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a + suitable application of high explosives. + +## Facts + + Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. + -- Aldous Huxley + +## Management + + MANAGEMENT: + The art of getting other people to do all the work. + +## Heller's Law + + Heller's Law: + The first myth of management is that it exists. + +## Money + + While money can't buy happiness, it certainly + lets you choose your own form of misery. + +## Mozart + + It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was + my age, he had been dead for 2 years. + -- Tom Lehrer + +## Misfortune + + MISFORTUNE: + The kind of fortune that never misses. + +## Thermodynamics II + + QOTD: + Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical + mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying + on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn. + -- Goodstein, States of Matter + +## Laws + + All laws are simulations of reality. + -- John C. Lilly + +## Democracy + + Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half + of the people are right more than half of the time. + -- E.B. White + +## Horngren's Observation + + Horngren's Observation: + Among economists, the real world is often a special case. + +## Sources + + Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ;-) + -- Unknown source + +## Latin + + Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. + + (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) + +## Interpreter + + INTERPRETER: + One who enables two persons of different languages to understand + each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the + interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. + +## Collections + + "I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it + scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it. + -- Steven Wright + +## Advertising + + Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest + way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. + -- Sinclair Lewis + +## Life IV + + LIFE: + Learning about people the hard way -- by being one. + +## Economics + + Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. + -- John Kenneth Galbraith + +## Flugg's Law + + Flugg's Law: + When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the + world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum. + +## Control + + The more control, the more that requires control. + +## Hardware + + hardware, n: + The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. + +## Mathematician + + A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. + -- P. Erdos + +## Life V + + If life is merely a joke, the question + still remains: for whose amusement? + +## God + + God is a polytheist. + +## Last words + + Famous last words: + +## Electrocution + + Electrocution, n.: + Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements. + +## Vail's Second Axiom + + Vail's Second Axiom: + The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the + amount of work already completed. + +## Odds + + The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million. + +## Management II + + XI: + + If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would + get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty + times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all + the managers would fly off. + + XII: + + It costs a lot to build bad products. + + XIII: + + There are many highly successful businesses in the United States. + There are also many highly paid executives. The policy is not to + intermingle the two. + + XIV: + + After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes. There will + be no takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent + of every airplane's weight. + + XV: + + The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost + and two-thirds of the problems. + -- Norman Augustine + +## Art + + Art is either plagiarism or revolution. + -- Paul Gauguin + +## Sculpture + + A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block + of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an + elephant. + +## People + + I drink to make other people interesting. + -- George Jean Nathan + +## Friends + + Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too + dark to read. + -- Groucho Marx + +## Abstinence + + There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation. + +## Management III + + XXVI: + If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each + other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. + XXVII: + Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. + XXVIII: + It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee. + XXIX: + Executives who do not produce successful results hold on to their + jobs only about five years. Those who produce effective results + hang on about half a decade. + XXX: + By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers, + the people doing the work have lost track of the questions. + -- Norman Augustine + +## Minute + + How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. + +## Divorce + + Divorce is a game played by lawyers. + -- Cary Grant + +## Low level + + A programming language is low level + when its programs require attention to the irrelevant. + +## Get things done + + There are three ways to get something done: + + 1: Do it yourself. + 2: Hire someone to do it for you. + 3: Forbid your kids to do it. + +## Time + + Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. + +## Specs + + It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice + versa. + +## Purpose + + In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be + mud." + And there was mud. + And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud + can see what we have done." + And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was + man. Mud-as-man alone could speak. + "What is the purpose of all this?" man asked politely. + "Everything must have a purpose?" asked God. + "Certainly," said man. + "Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God. + And He went away. + -- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu" + +## Life VI + + LIFE: + A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. + +## Life VII + + "I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday + life." + +## Law of Selective Gravity + + Law of Selective Gravity: + An object will fall so as to do the most damage. + + Jenning's Corollary: + The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side + down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. + + Law of the Perversity of Nature: + You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. + +## Life VIII + + Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each + day as it comes. + -- Donald Kaul + +## Devil + + The devil finds work for idle circuits to do. + +## Knowledge + + Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know that? + +## Monsters + + Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not + become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks + into you. + -- Friedrich Nietzsche + +## Microsoft + + Nicholas Petreley's First Law of Computer Trade Journalism: + "No technology exists until Microsoft invents it. + +## Laser + + Please do not look directly into laser with remaining eye. + +## Computers II + + I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. + -- Isaac Asimov + +## Kafka's Law + + Kafka's Law: + In the fight between you and the world, back the world. + -- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days" + +## Hypocrites + + Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core. + -- Hannah Arendt + +## Review Questions + + Review Questions + + 1: If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH, + and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before + he exceeds the speed of light? How long will it be before the + Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship? + + 2: If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks + twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks + every bone in his body? How long will it be before they cut off + his insurance? Where does he get a new car every week? + + 3: If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers + the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in + a pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King + Tut's? When will it fall on him? Will he notice? + +## Magic III + + There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the + changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts. + Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's + science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled + by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering. + +## The meaning + + +#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI) + + /* + + * The meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Plus + + * this makes the year come out right. + + */ + + year -= 42; + +#endif + -- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner + +## Ultimate question + + Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. + They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that + was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were + linked together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights + started blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there + was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, + struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently + together. "There is now", came the reply. + +## Correspondence Corollary + + Correspondence Corollary: + An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half + your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory. + +## Electron + + After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that + throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments. Harvey + Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago, + at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for + his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject + with Millikan. Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions + that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in + Physics Today, June 1982, page 43. In it, Fletcher claims that he was the + first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on + single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil. + According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on + the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic + charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan. + -- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles" + + Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really + precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the + Nobel Prize in 1923. + +## Gods + + Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists. + Experimental psychologists think they're biologists. + Biologists think they're biochemists. + Biochemists think they're chemists. + Chemists think they're physical chemists. + Physical chemists think they're physicists. + Physicists think they're theoretical physicists. + Theoretical physicists think they're mathematicians. + Mathematicians think they're metamathematicians. + Metamathematicians think they're philosophers. + Philosophers think they're gods. + +## Mind + + My God, I'm depressed! Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times + as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending + mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU. + I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it + would be better for us both if you were to just log out again. + +## Penguins + + A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed + on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new + game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the + pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly + along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their + heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn + around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite + direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the + paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin + colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins + fall over gently onto their backs. + -- Audobon Society Magazine + +## Seconds + + How many seconds are there in a year? If I tell you there are + 3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it. On the other hand, who + could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury. + -- Tom Duff, Bell Labs + +## Decisions + + Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really + overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene + language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the + judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when + addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang). + -- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing + Assoc. + +## Matter and space + + Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve. + -- Wheeler + +## Executions + + Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to + your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, + and they'll call you crazy. + -- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul" + +## Bar Troubleshooting + + Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is + unusually pale and clear. + Problem: Glass empty. + Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer. + + Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, + and the front of your shirt is wet. + Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to + wrong part of face. + Action Required: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. + Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique. + + -- Bar Troubleshooting + + Symptom: Floor swaying. + Fault: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey + game in progress. + Action Required: Insert broom handle down back of jacket. + + Symptom: Everything has gone dim, strange taste of peanuts + and pretzels or cigarette butts in mouth. + Fault: You have fallen forward. + Action Required: See above. + + Symptom: Opposite wall covered with acoustic tile and several + flourescent light strips. + Fault: You have fallen over backward. + Action Required: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your + drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help + you get up, lash yourself to bar. + + -- Bar Troubleshooting + +## Sex + + Sex without class consciousness cannot give satisfaction, even if it is + repeated until infinity. + -- Aldo Brandirali (Secretary of the Italian Marxist-Leninist + Party), in a manual of the party's official sex guidelines, + 1973. + +## Theory + + THEORY: + System of ideas meant to explain something, chosen with a view to + originality, controversialism, incomprehensibility, and how good + it will look in print. + +## Computers III + + Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to + measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you + imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long? + -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 + +## Leaks + + A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day and as I read it, + realization of a basic truth came over me. So simple! So obvious we couldn't + see it. John Knivlen, Chairman of Polamar Repeater Club, an amateur radio + group, had discovered how IC circuits work. He says that smoke is the thing + that makes ICs work because every time you let the smoke out of an IC circuit, + it stops working. He claims to have verified this with thorough testing. + I was flabbergasted! Of course! Smoke makes all things electrical + work. Remember the last time smoke escaped from your Lucas voltage regulator + Didn't it quit working? I sat and smiled like an idiot as more of the truth + dawned. It's the wiring harness that carries the smoke from one device to + another in your Mini, MG or Jag. And when the harness springs a leak, it lets + the smoke out of everything at once, and then nothing works. The starter motor + requires large quantities of smoke to operate properly, and that's why the wire + going to it is so large. + Feeling very smug, I continued to expand my hypothesis. Why are Lucas + electronics more likely to leak than say Bosch? Hmmm... Aha!!! Lucas is + British, and all things British leak! British convertible tops leak water, + British engines leak oil, British displacer units leak hydrostatic fluid, and + I might add Brititsh tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks + secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke. + -- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School + +## Dopewars + + Indo para Brooklyn + A moça próxima a você no metrô lhe diz, + "Drogas podem ser suas amigas!" + Indo para Bronx + Você escuta alguém tocando `Legalize Já` por Planet Hemp + Viciados estão comprando Ópio a preços ridículos! + + -- Dopewars + +## Cérebro + + Um médico britânico diz: + + "A medicina, em meu país, está tão avançada que nós podemos retirar o cérebro de um homem, + colocá-lo em outro homem, e fazer com que, em seis semanas, ele já esteja procurando + emprego." + + Um médico alemão diz: + + "Isto não é nada. Nós podemos retirar o cérebro de uma pessoa, colocá-lo em outra, e fazer com + que, em quatro semanas, ela esteja se preparando para a guerra." + + O médico americano, para não ser superado, diz: + + "Vocês, meus caros, estão muito atrás. Nós, recentemente, retiramos um homem sem cérebro, do + Texas, conseguimos colocá-lo na Casa Branca, e, agora, temos a metade do país procurando + emprego e a outra metade se preparando para a guerra." + +## Chocolate + + Chocolate de menta: escove os dentes e em seguida mastigue uma barra + daquelas que são vendidas no trem. + +## Randomly Generated Tagline + + Randomly Generated Tagline: + "Any sufficiently perverted technology is indistinguishable from Perl." + - Unknown + +## Brasil + + O Brasil é sério, mas é surrealista + + -- Jorge Amado + +## Ovo e a galinha + + A galinha e apenas o meio que o ovo encontrou para produzir outro ovo. + -- Samuel Butler + +## História + + "Às vezes você está vivendo um momento que entra para a história, mas está do lado errado." + -- Mario "Macora" Castillo + http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/esporte/folhanacopa/2014/07/1483578-selecao-que-levou-a-maior-goleada-das-copas-diz-que-brasil-foi-pior.shtml + +## Machines + + Human beings can't keep track of the world any more, we have to leave it up to the machines. + + -- The Shockware Rider + +## Crimes + + A sociedade prepara os crimes e os indivíduos se limitam a executá-los. + + -- Queteler apud Bakunin, A Instrução Integral, p. 86. + +## Provos + + a verdade é que os piores inimigos desta época são: + os sujeitos que usam imagens programadas para chupar nossos + olhos como se fossem ovos + + -- Lucebert, em Provos, da Coleção Bardena pág. 132 + +## Computer Science + + There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things. + + -- Phil Karlton + +## Caos + + Existe um grande caos abaixo do céu - a situação é excelente. + + --- Mao Tsé-Tung: + +## Destruição + + O operário fez tudo, e o operário pode destruir tudo, porque pode fazer tudo de novo. + + -- Marx + +## Desespero + + A situação desesperada da época em que vivo me enche de esperança. + + -- Marx em carta a Ruge + +## Fracasso + + Fracassei em tudo o que tentei na vida. + Tentei alfabetizar as crianças brasileiras, não consegui. + Tente salvar os índios, não consegui. + Tentei fazer uma universidade séria e fracassei. + Tentei fazer o Brasil desenvolver-se autonomamente e fracassei. + Mas os fracassos são minhas vitórias. + Eu detestaria estar no lugar de quem me venceu. + + -- Darcy Ribeiro + +## Meta + + Sempre permaneça no metanível. Sempre há um metanível acima do qual você se + encontra. Nunca se coloque numa situação na qual você não possa se suicidar. + Ande sempre com sua pílula de cicuta. + + --- logoutman + +## Jogo da Forca + + Give me six lines written by the most honest man in the world, and I will find enough in them to hang him. + + -- https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cardinal_Richelieu + + Corolário do Araponga: + + Talvez menos linhas sejam necessárias para condenar alguém. Talvez apenas com a + citação acima já seria possível condenar o pobre Cardeal Richelieu. + + O acúmulo de dados pela vigilância de massa compromete qualquer pessoa em + crimes previstos num entulho jurídico acumulado ao longo de centenas de anos. + +## Somos agentes duplos, títeres de qual jogo doentio? + + It's the oldest question of all, George. Who can spy on the spies? + + -- Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy + +## Liberdade + + "My Brain is the key that sets me free." + + -- Houdini + +## Razão e progresso + + The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one + persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress + depends on the unreasonable man. + -- George Bernard Shaw + +### Desatualização + + Tudo se desatualiza à velocidade da luz. Inclusive a luz. + +### Tautologia da técnica + + Toda a tecnologia deve ser substituível por materiais disponíveis no presídio + (fazemos o que podemos com o que temos). + +### Confiança + + Um computador confiável é uma região do espaço-tempo à qual foi atribuído + um voto de confiança. |