From 7048eb67e37fff400575f1085c839e911143a6d1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Silvio Rhatto Date: Sat, 16 Jan 2016 19:57:50 -0200 Subject: Updates fortune --- fortune.mdwn | 369 +++++++++++++++++++++++++---------------------------------- 1 file changed, 158 insertions(+), 211 deletions(-) (limited to 'fortune.mdwn') diff --git a/fortune.mdwn b/fortune.mdwn index 89f12aa..cffec6f 100644 --- a/fortune.mdwn +++ b/fortune.mdwn @@ -1,10 +1,11 @@ -[[!meta title="A irreversibilidade da vida e outros fatos termodinâmicos"]] - -Uma coleção de citações, trechos, versos, adágios, chistes, ironias e pessimismos. -Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. +[[!meta title="Minutos de Sabedoria Punk"]] [[!toc levels=4]] +A irreversibilidade da vida e outros fatos termodinâmicos: uma coleção de +citações, trechos, versos, adágios, chistes, ironias e pessimismos. Muitas +coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. + ## Entropia Entropia: amnésia termodinâmica. @@ -516,9 +517,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. package, you always get hold of the closed end and try to pull it open. -## Unsorted - ---- +## Worst month Worst Month of the Year: February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if @@ -526,12 +525,12 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible. -- Steve Rubenstein ---- +## Predictions Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. -- Niels Bohr ---- +## Jones' First Law: Jones' First Law: Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of @@ -539,39 +538,39 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the importance of their original contribution. ---- +## Tolkein Ring Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very sophisticated computer network! It was a Tolkein Ring... ---- +## Small Evil Group Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. ---- +## Children Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. ---- +## Income Tax The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Albert Einstein ---- +## Failure and success Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve. ---- +## Capitalism Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all. -- John Maynard Keynes ---- +## Probabilities Colvard's Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it @@ -584,7 +583,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Grelb's Commentary Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. ---- +## Alliance Alliance, n: In international politics, the union of two thieves who @@ -592,51 +591,51 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. that they cannot safely plunder a third. -- Ambrose Bierce ---- +## Cohn's Law Cohn's Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing. ---- +## Science You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford ---- +## Sex after death There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it. -- Lily Tomlin ---- +## Distance The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Altito ---- +## Our world Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. ---- +## Experience Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. ---- +## Youth Youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. -- George Bernard Shaw ---- +## Bible The most serious doubt that has been thrown on the authenticity of the biblical miracles is the fact that most of the witnesses in regard to them were fishermen. -- Arthur Binstead ---- +## Governos Quando ocorrem variações no câmbio, queda nas bolsas de valores, variações nas taxas de juros ou pequenos distúrbios na economia, rapidamente os governos @@ -646,23 +645,23 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. acontece. Apesar disso, não desistiremos de clamar por justiça! -- Ariel de Castro Alves, em Crimes de Maio, pag. 116. ---- +## Politicians Politicians are the same everywhere. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev ---- +## Failure and success II Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success. ---- +## Civilization II It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it. ---- +## Programs When users see one GUI as beautiful, other user interfaces become ugly. @@ -685,38 +684,38 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. When his work is done, he deletes it. That is why it lasts forever. ---- +## Life II Life is too short to be taken seriously. -- O. Wilde ---- +## Life III Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward. -- Miss November, 1966 ---- +## Reichel's Law Reichel's Law: A body on vacation tends to remain on vacation unless acted upon by an outside force. ---- +## Drugs I do not take drugs -- I am drugs. -- Salvador Dali ---- +## Bootstrap An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms. ---- +## Technological progress Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley ---- +## Katz' Law Katz' Law: Men and nations will act rationally when @@ -726,65 +725,65 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. exhausted all other alternatives. -- Abba Eban ---- +## Modern technology The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a soda can, which, when discarded will last forever -- and a $7,000 car which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years. ---- +## Gold of time A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. ---- +## Gospels and intelligence So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell ---- +## Plans If you fail to plan, plan to fail. ---- +## Bureaucracy Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses. ---- +## Weinberg's Second Law: Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ---- +## Respect Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. ---- +## Fear Fear is the greatest salesman. -- Robert Klein ---- +## Progress The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Bernard Shaw ---- +## Hating tech I use technology in order to hate it more properly. -- Nam June Paik ---- +## Barach's Rule Barach's Rule: An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician. ---- +## Heller's Law Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. @@ -792,128 +791,103 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization. ---- +## Marxists and the lightbulb Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None: The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. ---- +## Descartes' disappearance "I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished ---- +## Love Who does not love wine, women, and song, Remains a fool his whole life long. -- Johann Heinrich Voss ---- +## Unnamed Law Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible ---- +## Past and future People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. ---- +## Machine language A person who is more than casually interested in computers should be well schooled in machine language, since it is a fundamental part of a computer. -- Donald Knuth ---- +## Ignorance My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it." -- Erich Maria Remarque ---- +## Larkinson's Law Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false. ---- - - There were in this country two very large monopolies. The larger of - the two had the following record: the Vietnam War, Watergate, double- - digit inflation, fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the - 8-cent postcard. The second was responsible for such things as the - transistor, the solar cell, lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity - stereo recording, sound motion pictures, radio astronomy, negative - feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic "bubbles", electronic switching - systems, microwave radio and TV relay systems, information theory, the - first electrical digital computer, and the first communications - satellite. Guess which one got to tell the other how to run the - telephone business? - ---- +## Volunteer Labor Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense. ---- +## Psycho Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door. ---- +## Surrealists and the lightbulb Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. ---- +## Death When you die, you lose a very important part of your life. -- Brooke Shields ---- +## Programs II Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't. ---- +## Laugh Laugh at your problems: everybody else does. ---- +## Police Support your local police force -- steal!! ---- +## Err "To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System" ---- - - TOTD (T-shirt Of The Day): - I'm the person your mother warned you about. - ---- +## Dolphins If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television? ---- - - The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper - thoughts about their neighbours. - -- F.H. Bradley - ---- +## Red tape If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world. -- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting" ---- +## Economic predictions Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict, but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions. ---- +## Dragons Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the @@ -926,31 +900,31 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way... ---- +## Conservative Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. -- Ambrose Bierce ---- +## Intellectual An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. -- Albert Camus ---- +## Patience A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. -- John Updike ---- +## Psychologist psychologist, n: Someone who watches everyone else when an attractive woman walks into a room. ---- +## Finagle's Third Law Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, @@ -961,69 +935,59 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately. ---- +## Manly's Maxim Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. ---- +## Borrowing money Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back. ---- +## Sleep Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink. -- W.C. Fields ---- +## Problem solving There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. ---- +## Facts Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. -- Aldous Huxley ---- - - Children are natural mimics who act like their parents - despite every effort to teach them good manners. - ---- +## Management MANAGEMENT: The art of getting other people to do all the work. ---- - - happiness, adv: - Finding the owner of a lost bikini. - ---- +## Heller's Law Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. ---- +## Money While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. ---- +## Mozart It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for 2 years. -- Tom Lehrer ---- +## Misfortune MISFORTUNE: The kind of fortune that never misses. ---- +## Thermodynamics II QOTD: Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical @@ -1031,119 +995,111 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn. -- Goodstein, States of Matter ---- +## Laws All laws are simulations of reality. -- John C. Lilly ---- +## Democracy Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. -- E.B. White ---- +## Horngren's Observation Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case. ---- +## Sources Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ;-) -- Unknown source ---- +## Latin Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) ---- +## Interpreter INTERPRETER: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. ---- +## Collections "I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it. -- Steven Wright ---- +## Advertising Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. -- Sinclair Lewis ---- +## Life IV LIFE: Learning about people the hard way -- by being one. ---- +## Economics Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith ---- - - Wedding, n: - A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one - undertakes to become nothing and nothing undertakes to become - supportable. - -- Ambrose Bierce - ---- +## Flugg's Law Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum. ---- +## Control The more control, the more that requires control. ---- +## Hardware hardware, n: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. ---- +## Mathematician A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. -- P. Erdos ---- +## Life V If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement? ---- +## God God is a polytheist. ---- +## Last words Famous last words: ---- +## Electrocution Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements. ---- +## Vail's Second Axiom Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed. ---- +## Odds The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million. ---- +## Management II XI: @@ -1174,33 +1130,33 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. and two-thirds of the problems. -- Norman Augustine ---- +## Art Art is either plagiarism or revolution. -- Paul Gauguin ---- +## Sculpture A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. ---- +## People I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan ---- +## Friends Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx ---- +## Abstinence There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation. ---- +## Management III XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each @@ -1218,21 +1174,21 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. the people doing the work have lost track of the questions. -- Norman Augustine ---- +## Minute How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. ---- +## Divorce Divorce is a game played by lawyers. -- Cary Grant ---- +## Low level A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant. ---- +## Get things done There are three ways to get something done: @@ -1240,16 +1196,16 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. 2: Hire someone to do it for you. 3: Forbid your kids to do it. ---- +## Time Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. ---- +## Specs It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. ---- +## Purpose In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." @@ -1265,22 +1221,17 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. And He went away. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu" ---- +## Life VI LIFE: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. ---- +## Life VII "I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life." ---- - - One man's folly is another man's wife. - -- Helen Rowland - ---- +## Law of Selective Gravity Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage. @@ -1292,53 +1243,53 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. ---- +## Life VIII Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. -- Donald Kaul ---- +## Devil The devil finds work for idle circuits to do. ---- +## Knowledge Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know that? ---- +## Monsters Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you. -- Friedrich Nietzsche ---- +## Microsoft Nicholas Petreley's First Law of Computer Trade Journalism: "No technology exists until Microsoft invents it. ---- +## Laser Please do not look directly into laser with remaining eye. ---- +## Computers II I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov ---- +## Kafka's Law Kafka's Law: In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days" ---- +## Hypocrites Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core. -- Hannah Arendt ---- +## Review Questions Review Questions @@ -1357,7 +1308,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. a pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King Tut's? When will it fall on him? Will he notice? ---- +## Magic III There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts. @@ -1365,7 +1316,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering. ---- +## The meaning +#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI) + /* @@ -1376,7 +1327,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. +#endif -- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner ---- +## Ultimate question Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that @@ -1387,13 +1338,13 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently together. "There is now", came the reply. ---- +## Correspondence Corollary Correspondence Corollary: An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory. ---- +## Electron After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments. Harvey @@ -1414,7 +1365,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1923. ---- +## Gods Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists. Experimental psychologists think they're biologists. @@ -1428,7 +1379,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Metamathematicians think they're philosophers. Philosophers think they're gods. ---- +## Mind My God, I'm depressed! Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending @@ -1436,7 +1387,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would be better for us both if you were to just log out again. ---- +## Penguins A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new @@ -1451,14 +1402,14 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. fall over gently onto their backs. -- Audobon Society Magazine ---- +## Seconds How many seconds are there in a year? If I tell you there are 3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it. On the other hand, who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury. -- Tom Duff, Bell Labs ---- +## Decisions Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene @@ -1468,19 +1419,19 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. -- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc. ---- +## Matter and space Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve. -- Wheeler ---- +## Executions Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy. -- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul" ---- +## Bar Troubleshooting Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. @@ -1496,7 +1447,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. -- Bar Troubleshooting ---- +## Sex Sex without class consciousness cannot give satisfaction, even if it is repeated until infinity. @@ -1504,21 +1455,21 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Party), in a manual of the party's official sex guidelines, 1973. ---- +## Theory THEORY: System of ideas meant to explain something, chosen with a view to originality, controversialism, incomprehensibility, and how good it will look in print. ---- +## Computers III Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long? -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 ---- +## Leaks A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day and as I read it, realization of a basic truth came over me. So simple! So obvious we couldn't @@ -1542,7 +1493,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke. -- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School ---- +## Dopewars Indo para Brooklyn A moça próxima a você no metrô lhe diz, @@ -1553,7 +1504,7 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. -- Dopewars ---- +## Cérebro Um médico britânico diz: @@ -1572,45 +1523,41 @@ Muitas coletadas de anos usando `fortune(6)` ou encontradas ao acaso. Texas, conseguimos colocá-lo na Casa Branca, e, agora, temos a metade do país procurando emprego e a outra metade se preparando para a guerra." ---- - - Se uma coxinha não foi mordida, ela resistirá bem se acondicionada no bolso. - ---- +## Chocolate Chocolate de menta: escove os dentes e em seguida mastigue uma barra - daquelas que sao vendidas no trem. + daquelas que são vendidas no trem. ---- +## Randomly Generated Tagline Randomly Generated Tagline: "Any sufficiently perverted technology is indistinguishable from Perl." - Unknown ---- +## Brasil O Brasil é sério, mas é surrealista -- Jorge Amado ---- +## Ovo e a galinha A galinha e apenas o meio que o ovo encontrou para produzir outro ovo. -- Samuel Butler ---- +## História "Às vezes você está vivendo um momento que entra para a história, mas está do lado errado." -- Mario "Macora" Castillo http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/esporte/folhanacopa/2014/07/1483578-selecao-que-levou-a-maior-goleada-das-copas-diz-que-brasil-foi-pior.shtml ---- +## Machines Human beings can't keep track of the world any more, we have to leave it up to the machines. -- The Shockware Rider ---- +## Crimes A sociedade prepara os crimes e os indivíduos se limitam a executá-los. -- cgit v1.2.3